to the new year.

I don't even know where this year has gone. So much has happened, so many emotions - so many highs, so many lows I never knew existed, sometimes I just don't know what to make of it all.

The year started off great, everything honestly was going my way. Getting in to Hwach was about one of the happiest moments in my life, topped off when I got into council. Then I got into OCIP Nepal as well (best trip ever). I was enjoying this new experience, enjoying meeting new people, doing things I never really got to in my 10 years in SC.

Then life started catching up to me. Blocks were a big fat wake up call for one. The stress of having to juggle so many things, having too much on your plate, not knowing how to handle it. MAF, promos, PW, friends.

I miss my friends so much. I miss being able to run to them the moment something goes wrong and they will make me feel okay again, happy. Sure I have friends now too, but these people I have barely known for less than a year, sometimes it just doesn't feel right to burden these people with the problems you think you have. It's not that I don't trust the friends I've made this year, I do, but somehow the relationships formed are different. I really don't know how to describe it, but maybe that's why I am always confusing myself.

2.38am right now. Always this period of time where I emo a little. I can't say I absolutely hate this year, though I do think JC is a real bitch. It feels like one of those years that I will look back on and laugh about how I was stupid and way too emotional, and then be thankful for it. Thankful for lessons I have learnt, thankful for hard times that help me sieve out how my friends really are, thankful for unforgettable experiences - there were many good times when I think about it, thankful that it is over and at least I have another year to look forward to.

2012, please don't kill me.

wondering whether i have found my place in school. I spend so much time there and sometimes i feel like i belong and then sometimes that feelings totally disappears and i think of the people around me and whether they really know me or not.
Almost one year has passed and things have really changed since i first stepped into school on the first day. I will always miss having recess gang around and my relatively carefree life. I miss walking down corridors and recognising every single one of your batch mates. Not knowing everyone in school just seems to take away the element of home, because who wants strangers in their home anyway?
i am very grateful for the friends i have made though. i do believe i have made some friends that can last but then again i always think maybe not, and even then that number is tiny. but still, grateful for the people who really care about me and take the time to always ask if i'm okay or just to talk.

this post is just a random spew of things in my head. if it doesn't make sense to you, it probably isn't making sense to me either. I really don't speak very coherently do i.

Doesn't matter i guess since no one reads this anymore. Only me, like 5 years on.

finally hitting me how fast jc is flying by.
note to self: grasp every single moment that comes at you, because there really is no second chance.
It's not like secondary school where you go through the same thing year after year and you look forward to it year after year. But not here anymore, you go through it once and then you realise OMG you won't ever get to experience it again.

So ACES day and Teachers' Day was really fun (: I think mass dances are just super fun (though I know plenty of people beg to differ), at least once you get it. Teachers' Day concert was actually really entertaining and it had a pretty high standard (mostly). Proud of TDCo for doing a good job for our first council event :D

going back to SC was a great feeling too (: even though teachers didn't really remember my name... It was so wonderful seeing all these familiar faces, faces i love, all gathered back in the same place (some even wearing the sc uniform again). It really felt like home and I felt so at ease, walking around and being able to recognise everyone. But it is quite sad to hear that some things are changing (like the quality of TD in SC this year is just disappointing /:). But I'll just hold on to the SC that I remember very dearly (:




MAF's coming in a week, so excited!! Even more excited rn for tomorrow's ws bc citygate is finally going to be at GLU it is going to be spectacular. The feeling you get when you see everything just come together, it makes everything worth it. All the hours of sketching, the 29839021832813 erasers we used to erase almost everything we sketched on, the frustration when mixing and mixing paint but just never getting back that skdfksajdsla shade you want, painting and repainting... listening to the guys sing toxic every worksession (haha.)

It's quite amazing/scary how time is flying by so fast I'm not even realising it. Where did my term 3 go? D:

got back from Nepal OCIP on Wednesday night.
This is one trip that opened my eyes to a lot of things and got me thinking a lot about my life, education and a lot of those kinds of things.
Had so much fun those 11 days which made me regret not getting to know everyone better before the trip because by the time we got close, the trip was ending.

Will never forget how I was the source of entertainment for everyone, constantly tripping and laughing (and then having my laugh mocked which made me laugh more which made people laugh more) and somehow I got deemed weak by everyone on the second day or work so everyone would be like "COME MIRANDA LET ME HELP YOU" or "JIAYOU MIRANDA COME ON" which was strangely amusing/annoying. Will never forget the adorable p3 kids (my little girlies indira, anita, susmita, rita, niru, sanu), the comfortable tents, the soso very caring and creative cooks in the cookhouse who make amazing curries and apple pies, the volleyball, the ping pong, the lepaking, eye powering, the never-ending HTHTs, sharings in the dark- too much to name.




I didn't get to see any shooting stars though ):

One thing I find really worth sharing was our last lesson, which was us trying to teach the kids to dream and to have ambitions. We started off the lesson by telling the kids what we want to be in the future. Problem with that was, when we were discussing that the night before, I realised I don't know what I want to be. People tell me it's okay, you're still young, but then I wonder, where am I headed to now? What am I working/studying so hard for? When I think really hard and try to imagine myself in the future all I think of is myself being happy and living life somewhat carefree, and compared to my working group mates who have such clear goals in mind i feel pale in comparison.
Then I think of the children that day. We asked them to draw what they want to be in the future. So many of the girls wanted to be singers or dancers but when it came to drawing it out, they didn't know how to picture it in their heads. Some kids, when I asked them what they want to be, they just shyly shook their heads and said "no future". This was pretty heartbreaking for me actually. Here I am, with a wide range of choice of things I could be in the future but I just can't choose, whereas these kids don't have a choice - or at least they believe they don't.

The trip was so meaningful in so many ways, I don't know how to describe it honestly. Even the pictures can't really show. Before the trip I wasn't really looking forward to it because there was no one I was close to, but by the end of the trip I didn't want to leave because of the 24 other people I have grown to love over just 11 short days, 27 if you include the teachers.

so we've officially become Councillors since Thursday last week, and then I think and I'm like "what? only last week??"


On a side note, my results aren't doing too great. I really need to start mugging more or my council term is gonna end before it really starts /:

internal elections have made me stronger and i am very thankful for this experience.